Saludos de Espana

Greetings from Spain! I can't believe that my vacation is already drawing to a close -- only 2 1/2 days left. It's been a fantastic trip replete with many siestas, dancing until 6 a.m., beach time, tapas, vino, and family time. The family reunion is tomorrow night, but the extended family is starting to gather. I've also been having some quality time with my brother, sister-in-law, and parents. It's been a blast.

Yesterday Chris, Lisa and I went to Tangiers. They wanted to check out Morocco and I've never really spent any time in Tangiers (the only other time I went to Morocco, I headed straight to Marrakesh). Well, Tangiers is a lovely city full of history and also full of incredibly aggressive vendors. After a frenzied walk through the Medina (the old city) being chased by drum, knife, shirt, carpet, lamp, mirror, bowl, plate, etc. salesmen thrusting their wares in our faces and haggling themselves down and we exhibited a lack of interest, we finally made it back to the bus and the port. I had unwisely suggested that we take a tour of the city so that we could avoid this -- instead we paid someone to deliver us into the middle of the lion's den (not before first bringing us to the most expensive shops for wares). Ah well... I ended up buying a carpet that I'm quite happy with (haggled down from $1500 to $350) and then bought a lovely vase. It was quite the experience. I can't wait to go back. Next time I will spend more time in Morrocco (though I think I've had enough of Tangiers).

Desires

"Have the courage of your desire."
- George R. Gissing

I have so many desires. One of the aspects of the class is really partying with these desires... allowing yourself to get in touch with them and receive them.

I bought a desire book - a journal in which to document my desires in words and images. It's a lovely book with the picure of a stylized, yet lovely black woman in a garden in front of windows or in a green house watering plants. There's a little black pussy cat at her foot. This book was perfect for me... the black woman reminds me of me and is wearing a full skirt like I often do. She's seeding and watering her desires and they're growing! The pussy cat is a reminder to get in touch with the feline goddess within me.

So, I've started documenting my desires... everything from having a date take me on a carriage ride around Central Park (always been a dream of mine) to getting a dog to traveling to Nepal to getting married to my divine right soul mate to a real classic Hermes bag (the kind my granddaughter will be able to wear) to having a grandaughter.

Happiness is...

You know what makes me really happy? Have you ever had your ears stop up? Sometimes it happens when you're in a plane. Sometimes it happens when you're scuba diving. Sometimes it happens when you're in a really high building. Sometimes it happens for reasons you can't even figure out. Most of the time when your ears stop up, the pressure usually releases soon thereafter. Sometimes though, your ears refuse to pop and your hearing is impaired and it's rather annoying but after long enough you just forget about it. One of the greatest feelings in the world is suddenly feeling your ears pop after you'd forgotten they were stopped up. All of a sudden you hear stuff... the little stuff you didn't even know you missed hearing and all that pressure gets released. That just happened to me and I'm really happy right now.

Quote of the Day and Weekend News

"Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds. Shine!"
- Buddha

I had some good times this weekend. On Friday night I had the pleasure of both a very fun second date and a night of dancing until the club closed down with some girlfriends (met up with my date R. for some wine before going clubbing). This was all homework for my man training class. I think I'm a star pupil. ;)

I also had the pleasure this weekend of hanging out 3 times with Alana, Jeroen, and Sean in just two days -- dinner, breakfast, dinner. How pleasureable is that? The answer is very! I spent some time in the office, but not too much. I also did some shopping ... New York is such a temptation. I feel constantly compelled to buy more, more, more. I did buy the most fantastic outfit yesterday... sexy orange dress with sassy 4-inch suede stilletos! Quite an ensemble. I saw myself both on a hot and sassy date in this outfit as well as walking in the sand in Spain (maybe also on a hot and sassy date). Who knows?

Anyway, my goal for this week is to find pleasurable things to do in this city that are free. There are many, but this week's goal is to actually do them. My other goal is to contain my excitement long enough to make it to Spain. I leave on Friday. Hurray!!!!!!

In other news... I will be staying in New York for a couple months longer than previously anticipated. Though I miss my house and my LA family (spiritual and blood relatives), I'm really happy to have a couple more months in the big apple.

Wooing myself

One of the key lessons from my class is that following your pleasure is the surest path to living a life of joy, bliss, & success. You have to delight in all that comes to you from outside sources and give to yourself what pleases you whenever that's possible.

I was feeling a little down two days ago, so I decided that I needed to do something extra nice and special for myself. I had flowers delivered to my office. My goodness is that ever a luxurious pick-me-up!! Flowers are the surest way to my heart, so I decided to woo myself and be my own love of my life. :) It worked! I'm totally smitten with myself. Haha!


My beautiful bouquet. Did you notice that it's pink? :)

baby steps

There is a chinese saying "a journey of a thousand miles, begins with the first step." I took another step today towards getting my website up -- set out all the prices and gave more pictures of the goodies to my web designer. We're going to get there.

I need to do the same step-by-step approach to writing my book. If I write even one sentence per day...

One more quote of the day

"Their journey in the afterlife -- The first question was, 'Did you bring joy?' The second was, 'Did you find joy?
-Leo Buscaglia

I'm happy to say that I feel like I'm doing both. :)

Quote of the Day & Visit to Palace #2

We are, each of us, angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other."
-Luciano Decrescenzo

Last night was the second class at the Pleasure Palace. Again I can't really talk about the content of the class, but I can discuss my feelings.

First of all, I should comment that my ex-boyfriend Mark wrote me a hilarious e-mail saying that he found out on my blog that I was taking this class. He followed the link to mamagenas.com and came to the conclusion that I'm in the process of becoming a "masturbating dominatrix." While, um, pleasure in all of its varied forms is a key element of the class and the goal of the class is to be in better control in our relationships with men, the class is really about teaching ourselves to follow our pleasure, our hearts, our intuition, our desires to find the life of our dreams with and through men. Anyway, I greatly enjoyed reading Mark's characterization. It's innacurate, though does hold some grains of truth and frankly just made me laugh out loud.

So... class last night was interesting for me. I definitely did not leave feeling high and fluffy like after the first class and really during the entire last week. I felt like I hit a wall and came up to what Mama Gena calls a "knot hole." Sometimes we've got to work through those. I know intuitively that I'm going to go through this and feel higher. It just wasn't that pleasant. I felt sad, jealous (of other women's success), anxious, etc. [This was also connected to other stuff going on at work.]

Anyway, Mama told me to just party with the feeling. Indulge it. I'm being so kind and gentle with myself right now. I bought myself a little cheesecake desert for later, I put corn in my salad though it's "bad to get extra carbs," I went out last night and enjoyed a mojito and some tapas, I ordered flowers to get delivered to my office (big pink bouquet) with a message on the card saying "you're so amazing!!!!", and I've been bragging. I'm working through it and feeling good. There's definitely something to following your pleasure and just being accepting of your pain. I feel myself moving higher.

Rat Sightings 7&8

It will be quite a comment about how far I've come from my fear of rats... I saw rats number 7 & 8 last Friday night and forgot all about them! These rats were playing at the 34th St. Penn Station. I was on the track for the 1 heading uptown. I was feeling elated after seeing Batman with lovely Alanna. Batman was such a great movie! I was floored and happy.

I was in the subway (not too pleased at that point because I'd forgotten my wallet at work and had to go back to Grand Central before heading home) and I saw two rats. They seemed like they were frolicking. [See how much I'm improving! I see rats now and think they're playing, not waiting to attack and eat my face. They were too far away to eat my face really. Can rats jump? Yuck. I don't even want to know.] Anyway, I saw them and soon forgot them. I'm cured. I'm just documenting this right now for reporting purposes. For some reason I think inquiring minds want to know.

Getting back on the horse

I was very happy with myself for all the forward movement I initially had with Hip Girlz. I charged ahead and really got things moving. And then... And then, I don't know what happened. Life happened. New York happened. An unsuccessful sale happened and I just temporarily quit. I was speaking with my friend Katie last night and talking to her about a business she's starting. "Failure is a part of success," I told her. "Edison had 10,000 failed prototypes for the light bulb before he succeeded. It was his perseverence and determination that paid off." Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head. I just need to keep taking those small daily steps again.

Two other things made me recommit to this project. First, I met a professional stylist for magazines on Sunday night. I told her that I would send her some Hip Girlz stuff to use and she was very excited about that. Second, my wonderful web designer Kari sent me a "how you doing?" e-mail. The time has come.

My small step for today... I wrote out my text for shipping, refunds, returns, and tax. A small step, to be sure, but an important one. The important thing is that I'm moving forward again. Hurray!


Las Pampas Earrings - $15

Rehnquist

So rumors are floating around that Rehnquist is also planning on retiring. Why do these people have to go RIGHT NOW? Can't they just wait a couple more years? Rehnquist may be a little old and a little ill, but O'Connor is only 75! Do I sound like I'm whining? I am. I'm trying to hold on to my faith and know that the Big Goddess in the Sky has a plan. It's all part of the divine plan, right? Are you there, Goddess? You're sure about this?

Musings About London Blasts

I'm not sure how to wrap my head around what causes people to set up bombs to kill innocent people. At times like these I lean upon the pillars of my faith and take comfort in the fact that no one can kill a soul. There are reasons beyond my understanding for why these souls need no longer possess these bodies. It's still hard not to feel shock, confusion, anger, grief. My heart goes out to all the people of London. All of us share in this grief. ...There was a lot of extra security in the subways today in New York. People went about their daily business but there were tons of metro security, police men, and US military milling about. I work above Grand Central Station -- presumably a major target. One of the secretaries here summed it up succinctly. "I feel horrible for what happened in London. I hope they don't bomb us here."

Karaoke

I went out last night for Athena's birthday and found myself in a karaoke bar. I love karaoke, y'all! The great thing about this bar was that there weren't that many people singing. It was like being in a private karaoke room with a few disinterested bystanders. I sang three sexy, powerful woman songs -- These Boots Were Made Were Walking, I Love Rock & Roll, and Fever. A cute friend of Athena's (we flirted all night -- should talk with Athena about getting together with "the group" again) told me that "each song you sang was sexier than the last." Rrrow! I was really working it and I had the crowd wrapped around my little finger. I'm ever humble. ;)

LA and Mama Gena

Last weekend in LA was great. Sean and I threw a housewarming party that was off the hook. We had about 80 people there. We had crabs flown in from Maryland. We had a huge ass, and absolutely finger-lickin' delicious bbq. We had tiki torches burning. We had the booze flowing. We had a blast. :)

On Sunday I went to a very interesting wedding at Temescal Canyon Park in LA. It was a real traditional Jewish wedding. It was beautiful and lots of fun -- so joyous. My favorite part was the beginning when the women and men split up. There was a little vegetarian buffet. At first the women gathered around the food, but soon a group of women gathered in the clearing and started singing a beautiful song in Hebrew. The bride, Anita, is a singer and her singer friends and family members sang this song in perfect harmony. They sang and then started dancing. They held hands and danced around in a circle. They then split up into separate circles. Then the married women were called to dance. Then the single women were called to dance. Then the mothers were called to dance. I jumped in with the single women and didn't stop dancing. I couldn't sing the song, but I locked arms and/or held hands with my fellow women and we spun and we jumped and we danced with reckless abandon. It was great!

Later we went up to the Hoopa (spelling?) and I ended up sitting next to a woman who looked very familiar. Wouldn't you know it, she and I had attended high school together and university and had officially met way back when in college in a Funk Aerobics class! We were both friends of the bride, but from completely different ways. It is such a small world! The rest of the wedding was a blur of food and interesting people. I sat next to a very cute and interesting young man. He had to leave early, but he waited for me to say goodbye. He made a point to find out where I worked and said he'd send me an e-mail. He hasn't yet, but that's ok. We had a grand time flirting.

Sunday night, after that fun wedding, I went to see War of the Worlds with Sean, Vanessa and Sebastien. We saw it in Mann's Chinese Theater. I'd never seen a movie there and it was fun seeing a flick in such a Hollywood institution... walk over the Walk of Fame and the hand and foot prints of stars past to go in there. Very cool.

Monday I went on a nice long hike through the Santa Monica mountains with Sean and Vanessa. On Monday we also took care of some house stuff. Sean and I got together with the landscapers (our landscapers live two doors down from us. They're a really cute Mexican family and they just stop by and work on our garden all the time. It really rocks. :)) I'm excited because we're getting lemon, lime, and orange trees, lilacs, roses, and jasmine. We're also adding a kitchen garden with sage, oregano, cilantro, parsley, mint, and lavendar. :) I can't wait. As much as I love and appreciate being in LA, I love and appreciate being in New York too. I'm always happy to come back here.

Last night I started my Mama Gena class. I can't say too much about it because we agree to keep everything that happens there confidential. All I can say is that the energy of being there around a group of inspired, inspiring gorgous sister goddesses was amazing. I practically floated out of the Pleasure Palace. I was feeling that high! Rrrow! I am already quite a force to be reckoned with, but after 4 weeks of this I will be unstoppable!

Quote of the Day & Other News

"It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are."
-E. E. Cummings

I had a great weekend back in LA. I'll write in another post about the fabulous house warming party, the super traditional, yet crazy unpredictable Jewish wedding I attended, and other events in a later post.

Now Depressed

I was feeling so high and wonderful and then found out that Justice Sandra Day O'Connor retired. All of a sudden my world felt like it was crumbling around me. George W. Bush gets to pick a Supreme Court Justice!!! Dear God! I saw a prayer that at least he picks someone as moderate as she was. One can dream, right?

Well, I had felt before that if Dubya were re-elected, I would move out of the country. I decided to stay, but those feelings are re-surfacing. Montreal has a nice jazz festival going on right now. It could be the perfect time to move back there. I could also go and live with my parents in Spain. There are far worse things than that, to be sure. Buenos Aires is also always appealing...

I don't have to be rash. I can at least wait to see who he picks. I can also wait until some major decisions come around. It's not like my personal freedoms would be eroded immediately...

I've got a new attitude!

Lucky for Mama Gena's bottom line that Elizabeth didn't call me today. I woke up feeling FANTASTIC and I think it's because I had such a fun night last night. My dear friend Jeroen invited me to go see an amazing singer named Lhasa at the Bowery Ballroom last night. I guess his ticket said the doors opened at 8, but she didn't go on until 9:30. So after realizing we had an hour and a half to kill, we walked back down the street and entered into this place called Little Charlie's that was advertising "Clams & Martinis." Well, that was too good to pass up even though the outside of the joint made the place look like a hole in the wall. Don't judge a book by it's cover!

We walked in to the most charming East Village lounge, with a quirky, slightly drunk and slightly hungover female bartender, and a super nice concert crowd. We ordered some very strong drinks... I had the supremely tasty and undeniably dangerous, Metropolitan Martini and Jeroen had some margaritas. We ordered baked clams, calamari, and sauteed spinach and mushrooms. The food was SOOOOO good! I was positively orgasmic by the time we left to go to the concert.

Well, Lhasa's amazing music certainly helped keep those feelings flowing! When I found out I was going to the concert I read a description of her music -- "Bjork doing mariachi music." It's not that far off. Lhasa is more than that though. Her music is very worldly. Really is other-worldly. Or maybe trans-worldly. It almost defies description. Lhasa generally sings in spanish, french, and english. She also sang an arabic song. Her voice is beautiful and haunting. It is evocative of Bjork, but not quite as harsh or jarring. I was floored. In addition to her amazing songs, Lhasa blew me away with the way she spoke. She'd take a break to describe each song. Her descriptions were so poetic, I was hooked on every word and just carried away by the melodious images. I floated out of there last night (though not before buying her CD - The Living Road).